For those who are new to the male chastity scene, and even the BDSM scene at large, it can feel intimidating to read stories or meet people who are way into the lifestyle. Those who are living their best kinky lives in a 24/7 D/s dynamic and are happy to let everyone know about it.
Does this make anyone else’s experience any less valid? Or does it mean that if you can’t keep your man caged and in a maid uniform doing housework 24/7 then you shouldn’t even bother? Of course not! Most of us have boring things like “jobs” and “kids” and “the real world” to contend with. So we have to fit our kinky lives in around our regular life, and make both of them play nice together without too much fuss.
This brings me to the topic of this post: What does our real-world femdom relationship look like? I’ll talk about our everyday relationship, our sexual relationship, and how it all comes together in the context of chastity and BDSM.
Our Everyday Relationship Dynamic
As much as I’d love to say we have a FLR (female-led relationship), things just don’t quite shake out that way for us. I am happy to say, however, that we have a very egalitarian relationship. We each have the freedom to do our own thing when we want to, while coming together to discuss big, important things. We both freely speak our minds with each other and try to be open and honest about our feelings as much as possible. So far, it seems to be working pretty well for us!
As for our domestic relationship, we try to share things equally as life dictates. For many years, we both worked full time or close to it — myself at home and Mistress A out of the house. Because of this, I took care of most of the cooking and a chunk of the cleaning. During that time, Mistress got a kick out of telling people that I was a “househusband” or a “kept man” — it never failed to get a reaction from our vanilla friends. Then circumstances changed such that Mistress no longer needs to work, while I’m still working at home full-time. So now she picks up a greater share of the housework and cooking. She now seems to enjoy telling people that she’s a “kept woman”, again to elicit a reaction for what I can only assume people conclude is our outdated and patriarchal relationship dynamic. If they only knew the truth!
Of course this doesn’t mean that the D/s dynamic never enters real life. If I fail to meet one of her requests, I can be sure that it will be brought up during our discipline routine and I’ll receive a suitable punishment.
Our Sexual Relationship Dynamic
Our sexual relationship is where our femdom dynamic really starts to shine. When we first started playing with chastity several years ago, it was accompanied by a full realization by both of us of our true desires. I realized that I was truly a submissive, and Mistress found that being a Domme really suited her. Ever since then, we’ve more or less maintained this dynamic in our sexual relationship — Mistress A taking the lead as Domme, and I submitting to her as her sex slave.
This means that Mistress has assumed complete control of our sexual relationship. As far as she is concerned, my body exists only for her pleasure and amusement. She no longer allows me to have orgasms, as they are not required for her to have pleasure. She has also decided that I will only be allowed to give her oral pleasure at her whim, and only as a reward.
The Mistress/slave dynamic is at its strongest when I am bound — cuffed, chained, collared, gagged, or straitjacketed. At that point I am truly transformed into a purely sexual object, existing only for her pleasure.
The chastity cage serves as the ultimate reminder of my submission to her in our sexual life. When I am caged, I am denied the use of my cock for any normal activities. She has me under complete control both symbolically and literally.
Mistress A also enjoys having me verbally reaffirm all of the above. She often requires me to repeat mantras affirming my devotion to her and my position as sex slave.
Overall, I feel that our kinky life and our normal life mesh very well together. Both of us are satisfied with our role and are able to maintain our dynamic quite naturally at this point. Keep in mind this is after years of communication, trial and error, and experimentation. Every couple is different, but taking the time to find out what works is well worth the effort.
Sipriotes and Artemis 